


Baby On Board

by Poetgirl616



Category: Dark Matter (TV)
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-07-26
Updated: 2020-07-18
Packaged: 2020-07-20 02:34:36
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 6
Words: 15,179
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19984624
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Poetgirl616/pseuds/Poetgirl616
Summary: Recent woken from stasis. Check. Fight with the robot chick. Check. Find out Five's pregnant. Check. Wait what?! Shocking news shakes up the already eventful first day on the Raza. Now, what to do with the pregnant kid? How does this effect life on board a mercenary ship? Who's the father?





	1. Bun In The Oven

**Disclaimer: I do not own Dark Matter or its characters. I just enjoy pulling their strings and making them obey my creative commands.**

Bun In The Oven

Six instantly ran to Five's side, concerned. She'd went down hard when gravity kicked back on and she definitely hit her head on the way down. Twice. She was breathing steadily and her pulse was a little elevated from the adrenaline moments before, but she was out cold.

He pressed lightly on his comm. "This is Six. Five is down."

"What do you mean she's down? What happened?" Two demanded, an edge of steel to her voice.

"She hit something on the way down, she's lost consciousness." He answered, just as briskly. He didn't know what happened to cause the fluctuations with the bio dampeners, but it wasn't natural and had to be caused by something or someone. He had a guess or two, but until Two briefed the crew on why the ship was doing acrobatics in space, he could only speculate.

"I'm on my way." She said, the connection cut as soon as she was finished speaking.

"I am, too." One responded, also ending the connection on his side.

There was no comment from Four, which wasn't unexpected since he hadn't spoken much since they had woken from stasis.

Six gently picked Five up, carefully setting her down on the cot the Android had previously occupied.

Two and the Android arrived first without any visible injuries. Four walked in next, also appearing unharmed.

"Any change?" Two asked, coming to stand on his left, lightly caressing Five's teal curls.

"She's been still and quiet." He answered just as seriously.

"Is she alright?" She fired back without pause, glancing up at him with intense brown eyes.

"I don't know. Her breathing is steady and her pulse was normal considering, but I can't say if there was any internal damage from when she landed." He sighed, frustrated at the lack of answers. She could have internal bleeding in her brain or elsewhere, not to mention blunt force trauma and bone injuries.

"I can scan her to see if there are any problems that have arisen or are keeping her from regaining consciousness." The Android suggested, her voice and face were completely expressionless. Both would take some getting used to. She looked human, except for the bar code tattoo on her neck.

"Do it." Two ordered, stepping back as the scanner powered up.

Four observed quietly. Six had temporarily forgotten the other man was there.

One and Three trickled in last, while the scans were running on Five.

"How bad is it?" One queried, walking straight to the medical cot holding Five.

"What the hell happened out there? Why did we lose gravity?" Three barked, getting straight to what he perceived as the greater threat at the moment.

"We don't know yet." Six said, not looking away from Five's serene face. She looked so young and completely at peace despite the violence that caused her unconsciousness.

"We were under attack by an unknown enemy. I had to get inventive to keep the missiles from making contact with the ship." Two said, a hard edge to her voice. She didn't approve of Three's priorities any more than he did. "The scans should be finished. What are her results?"

"I detect no concussion, internal bleeding or any other problematic medical concerns that would prevent her from regaining consciousness when she is ready." The Android stated without emotion. "However, there are abnormalities that require further analysis."

"What abnormalities?" Six questioned, deeply concerned. Maybe there were other internal trauma to her back, abdomen or extremities.

Five groaned, face scrunching up and her head moving to the side a fraction.

"She is beginning to wake." The Android tonelessly, and needlessly, pointed out.

Six touched her face gently, coaxing her fully awake slowly.

"What happened?" She murmured groggily.

That seemed to be the most popular question of the day.

"We lost gravity for a few seconds. We all took a tumble, you hit your head on the way down, so the Android checked you for injuries."

* * *

I blinked, the blurriness clearing to reveal Six's relieved face and Two's watery smile.

"What happened?" The last thing I could dredge up was trying to fix the tablet like device I'd found. I succeeded, showing Six that it was working in a moment of pride.

"We lost gravity for a few seconds. We all took a tumble, you hit your head on the way down, so the Android checked you for injuries." Six informed me, gently squeezing my hand.

"I did?" I didn't remember falling or pain. Then again I didn't remember a lot of things. Also, there was a dull ache in my head.

"Yeah, you did. Good news is there's no head trauma. The Android cleared your brain, she focused her scans there because you hit your head twice when you fell. She did say there were abnormalities with the scan, so she will have to analyze them further. Whatever that means." Six shrugged, smiling apologetically. He helped me sit up, supporting me while I got my bearings.

"What abnormalities?" The word sent fear flowing through my veins. It held various meanings, each had the potential to be dire or life threatening. It could also mean abnormality for a freak show, like they had on Terra Prime lifetimes ago.

"Your body is producing increased levels of certain hormones, some of which could have multiple reasons for being elevated. I need to conduct further analysis before a suitably satisfying and correct conclusion can be made." The Android supplied, her hands held behind her back, staring straight ahead at nothing.

"I didn't exactly understand all of that, but okay."

"Until then, I believe it would be best if you stayed in the infirmary. More scans may be needed and delayed symptoms may occur."

"Fine."

"We still have to figure out who shot at us and why." Three glared at the Android suspiciously, obviously believing it possible she had a hand in their predicament.

"We have no way of knowing that." Six shot back, disapproving.

"What I do know is this. I wake up a few hours ago, I don't got any idea who I am or how the hell I got here, nearly get killed by the forgetful robot, almost blasted to scrap by some mysterious ship and now we are floating in the middle of who knows where." Three lists off, pointing occasionally and either ignoring or unaware of Two rolling her eyes.

I was quickly getting tired of Threes' attitude. He's being over dramatic and making the situation as much about him as possible.

"Actually we do know where." The Android interrupted the almost renewed argument. "We're on course for a nearby inhabited world."

Apparently, the Android had initiated a recovery program that was supposed to recover recently deleted or overwritten data. Some of the data was irretrievable. but she managed to salvage some things. She found the original destination of the ship.

We would be arriving in less than twelve hours.

Three turned to leave, appeased with the fact that he had a piece of the puzzle he hadn't a few hours ago.

"That's great, Android." I praised her, relieved to know at least something about before.

"I have completed the analysis of the abnormalities I found on your previous scan." The Android announced, making everyone freeze. They had been about to drift away, go their separate ways until we reached our destination.

I swallowed hard. "What did you find?"

"You have elevated levels of estrogen and progesterone. Your blood oxygen level and basal body temperature has also increased. There is a small mass located in your abdominal region that appears to be biological in nature."

"I don't understand. What does all this mean?"

"You are pregnant."

It felt like every bit of air was sucked out of my lungs the second she said the words. They echoed strangely in my head, tickling at my brain, almost like I had heard them already, but I couldn't remember.

I cast a terrified glance around the infirmary. There were only four men on board this ship and considering that we were in stasis, one of them had to be the father, right? Who? How did it happen? When did it happen? Why? I didn't even know if I was old enough to think of having a baby, let alone actually be having a baby.

I had so many questions swirling around my head. The glare from the infirmary suddenly seemed much dimmer and I started to feel lightheaded.

"Hey! Come on, kid, breathe!"

I blinked, obediently sucking in a deep breath. I hadn't realized I wasn't breathing properly.

"You okay?" Six murmured, his worried face filling my vision. He must have been the one to shake me a little to catch my attention.

"Processing." I murmured back, but I might as well have been shouting in the eerie quiet blanketing the infirmary. I shied away from the hands holding me up.

I needed space to think. Time. I couldn't do that with the touching and hovering.

"Is everything okay with the baby? Could the fall have injured it or-? Can we find out who the father is?" One asked, dark eyes flickering between the Android and me. He was keeping his distance, though. I appreciated that. "There has to be a test or something to determine that kind of thing, right?"

Everyone perked up, waiting for the answer.

"There was no trauma to the fetus when she fell. All scans show normal healthy functions at this time. Unfortunately, the fetus is too premature to determine the paternity at this time." The Android said, dashing the fragile hope that had blossomed in my chest in that one sentence.

Tears stung my eyes, my throat tightening a bit. I wiped my face, I didn't want to cry. A tear escaped anyway, my chin still trembled slightly as I fought to get my emotions back under my control.

"This can't be happening." I whispered, voice thick with tears. "I know nothing about any of you and I'm pregnant with a mysterious baby. What is that?"

"Five-" Two moved forward, hand outstretched, concerned and sympathetic.

"I'm fine." I hopped down from the medical cot, not looking at anyone. I couldn't. Their sympathy and worry was playing hell on my frayed emotions. I angled the cot to where it was between me and them, I need the space. "I'm fine. I'm-I'm processing and you guys are-you're not helping when you're staring at me like you expect me to have a breakdown or something. I'm _fine_."

Hopefully repeating the word enough times will make it true.

"You're not fine." One said softly, his voice gentle and wounded.

The tears came a little faster.

"No." I whimpered, choking a little on a sob.

I hated that I was crying, but I couldn't make it stop.

"That's it for me, folks. If you need me, I'll be somewhere else not being drowned by salt water." Three sauntered toward the door, throwing a half hearted wave our way.

"There's a possibility this could be your child." One called to his retreating back. He glared at the leather vest as it disappeared without further word or a backward glance. "Jerk."

Two looked like she genuinely wished she could cross the distance and comfort me, but she was holding back because I wouldn't appreciate the gesture at the moment.

Four was stoic and silent, lurking in the same spot he had been since I woke up.

"How can we help? What do you need?" One asked gently. He had a soft spirit and kind eyes. I wanted to trust him.

I could possibly trust him.

I shrugged helplessly. The tears had finally slowed down, that was a good sign. "I just want this to be over. I'm already sick of the not knowing. Ever since we stepped out of those pods it's been one unknown after another without fail. Is it ever going to stop?"

"I honestly don't have a good answer." He wasn't pleased with his response.

I opened my mouth to reassure him it wasn't his fault when a thought hit me. I spun to face the Android.

"Android, would you perform a scan or test to tell how far in the pregnancy I am?" I requested, wanting to smack myself for not thinking of it sooner. It could help cement a time frame for when I got pregnant and maybe narrow down the suspects, as it were.

"Of course." She moved from where she had been standing perfectly still, her hands clasped behind her back. "Please resume a prone position on the medical cot and lift your shirt to rest above your abdomen."

I followed her instructions, a hint of self consciousness slowing my movements but not stopping them. I glanced at Two, biting my bottom life nervously and holding out my free hand. She immediately rushed to my side, taking my slightly sweaty head in her own cool one. I squeezed it in shock, nearly starting out of my skin when cold gel squirted onto my stomach.

The Android retracted a wand like apparatus from a compartment lower in the medicine cupboard, connecting one end of it to the display screen.

I surveyed the room, checking on the others reactions. One was anxious, probably as anxious as I am. Six was putting on a brave front, his eyes were focused on the screen, although it was blank at the moment. Four studied the scene, but had no outward indications of worry or anxiety, only calm. His hand reflexively tightened and loosened on the handle of his sword, a small tick.

The screen bloomed to life, the dark glass changed to a fuzzy grey and white with two blobs surrounded by black and flecks of white.

"Due to the size, I estimate you are six weeks into your gestation period." The Android announced to the room at large, her body stiff and turned away from me.

"Why does it look like that? Is that normal?" One fussed worriedly, eyeing the monitor.

"The split in the middle indicates that there are two fetuses developing in the womb." The Android answered without hesitation.

"Two babies?" He asked, his voice raising an octave. He cleared his throat, his cheeks stained red.

I swung my eyes to the screen as well. My babies.

A swell of emotion more intense than anything I remember feeling swept over me, overwhelming me.

"What now?" Six sighed, rubbing a hand over his face tiredly. He alternated between glancing at the monitor and watching me.

I shrugged, thinking. Should we talk about this more? Is there more of a discussion we need to have right now? Should Three be brought back and filled in or maybe just filled in? I wasn't sure what to do about the baby situation. If there was more I could do about it tonight.

I did know one thing, however.

"I have no idea what we're going to do about the babies or if there's anything we can do at this point. I do know I want to eat dinner and sleep. Hopefully, maybe the next time I wake up there won't be all these problems popping up throughout the day." I sighed wistfully. Food, sleep and peace sounded amazing. No drama, no worry, no fear. "The rest, if there _is_ a rest to figure out, we can sort out tomorrow or as it comes."

"Sounds fair." One smiled weakly, but it didn't reach his eyes. "Good night."

Two wish me a good night and reluctantly followed One, glancing at me one last time to be sure I was okay. Four left without fanfare, just a nod and a good night. Six briefly left to search for dinner, but returned and stayed the night. He didn't want me to be completely alone and truthfully neither did I.

We exchanged a moderately disturbing discussion before I drifted off to sleep, unable to keep my eyes open any longer. I think maybe all of our memories may not be gone, because I definitely had not seen a giant metal door in the hours I had memory of. My dreams were equally strange and concerning. I heard whispers, but couldn't actually understand them. Something about dangerous and secrets.

Strange.


	2. Raza

**P. S. I'm totally watching Dark Matter while I write this :)**

I know I dreamed, images and knowledge that was hazy when I woke, but I could remember bits and pieces of. Like fragments or puzzle shapes. One of the things I remember the clearest is a smell that tickled my nose even after the dream was gone. It's sort of spicy, with a tiny hint of sweetness to balance it out. I really liked it, but I couldn't remember what it was or how I know it.

I did recall the information bomb the Android dropped on us yesterday, though. I don't think I'd be able to forget it, definitely not anytime soon. Especially the last part.

I was having _two_ babies.

I lay still with my eyes closed, my breathing even while I evaluated my condition.

My right side was sore, my eyes dry and puffy from the crying, my head and neck a bit tender from the fall I took the day before. Overall, what I expected this morning.

I needed to talk to the others today, as soon as I convinced my body to cooperate and sit up. I blinked my eyes open, gingerly shifting experimentally.

"How do you feel?" Six asked, sitting on a medical cot a few feet to my left.

"A little sore. Mostly hungry and thirsty." I murmured, my voice a bit scratchy. "Could you get the Android? I don't want to take anything unless I know it won't hurt the babies."

I don't know what I want to do, yet, but I don't want to hurt them. It's not as clear cut as to keep or not to keep, I wish it was. It would make this so much easier, if it was. I needed to talk about this with someone other than myself.

"Yes." He agreed easily, standing in one smooth motion and leaving the infirmary.

I carefully sat up and scooted off the side of the medical cot, attempting to minimize the jarring, but not entirely succeeding. I hissed through my teeth as my feet made contact with the floor, feeling the impact all the way up my legs. I made my way slowly and gingerly to the restroom, finishing my business quickly and washing my hands. I was still tired, but I had important discussions to have and I couldn't laze around all day.

"Six mentioned that you wanted advice on minor pain relieving supplements for your muscle soreness." The Android intoned, her voice very very close behind me.

I jumped, startled. I didn't hear her come in.

"I need your help finding medicine that won't hurt the babies. Could you do that for me?" I asked, turning to face her to make conversing easier.

"Of course." She replied, walking to the medicine cupboards and pulling out a silver tin of green pills. She produced a flask of water shortly after, holding both out to me. "This should diminish your symptoms in a sufficient manner."

"Thank you." I took the offered pill and flask of water, swallowing them both down in quick succession.

"You're welcome." She said, standing beside the medicine cupboard with her hands clasped behind her back.

She blinked once then stood perfectly still and attentive, waiting.

"That's all I needed, Android." I prompted, hoping I wouldn't have to directly order her to do something. It seemed wrong to do so unless absolutely necessary. She should have a choice in what she does with her free time, like everybody else.

"Okay, Five."

I headed to the mess hall, my stomach rumbling loudly enough to wake the Android.

Two, One, and Four were scattered around the table, both men holding trays while Two sipped from a cup. A flutter of nerves erupted in my stomach at the sight of them, of the discussion I needed to start before it's too late. Six trailed in behind me, taking a seat on the opposite side of the table facing the door.

"Can you call Three? There's something we need to talk about." I murmured, taking a seat across from Four and beside One.

"Sure. Three, come in." Two straightened in her chair, listening for a response. "Head to the mess, we're already here. There's something we need to go over."

We passed the time in silence, Six glanced at me curiously when he thought I wasn't paying attention. One didn't bother trying to be discreet with his interest. Four focused on eating, but I could tell he was fully aware of his surroundings. I'm not sure how, exactly. It was one of those things that popped into my head or I had a feeling about in the last twenty four hours or so.

Three strolled into the mess, kicking out a chair and dropping heavily into it. "So, what's up?"

"I think we should all talk about options." I said simply, the nervous butterflies I was experiencing earlier morphing into the size of bats and flapping ferociously. "I know it's something the biological parents talk about among themselves, but without proof of who exactly the father is, it's impossible to do this the traditional way. So, instead, all of you are going to tell me your thoughts and what option you would choose. In the event that one of you are the father, I will have a better idea of where we stand on that front. If none of you are the father or we don't find out the paternity until after birth, we will have to deal with that as it comes."

I laid it all out there, open and honest communication is the key to this conversation.

"I think we should get rid of it. It's a huge liability. Speaking of huge, you'll eat more food and drink more water while that thing grows, then there will be all the stuff you need to buy for it. No, I say goodbye and good riddance." Three shrugged, stealing a piece of dehydrated bacon from One's plate and popping it into his mouth.

It stung, to hear such blatantly negative, careless words when talking about killing my babies. It also made me angry. Who was he to talk to me like that? To talk about us like that? He was the least likely candidate for me to ever do . . . . _that_ with, so it was safe to say he was definitely not the father. He didn't deserve a say, that was that.

"Then I guess it's a good thing you don't get to vote." I snapped back, a flare of temper escaping. "I wouldn't have your baby if you were the only living man in the entire universe!"

"Fine by me. I don't want to deal with any brats, now or ever." He growled, standing up and storming away.

"If it were me, I would find a colony or planet to settle down, raise the babies somewhere safe. They won't be safe on board this ship, we don't even know who we are or why we're here. I do know that no straight laced crew deals in guns." One commented, stirring what I could only assume was possibly gravy around his plate.

I nodded. That was true. He had good points, but the fact that we didn't remember our pasts meant it was better to stick together for now.

"Honestly, we don't even know how old you are. How do we know if you're old enough for this kind of responsibility?" Six asked, frowning at me. "I'm not trying to hurt your feelings, but you look like you're too young for this and we have a lot on our shoulders right now. Would having these babies be the best thing? Wouldn't it be better to know more about our pasts and ourselves first?"

"No offense, but I don't think we'll find out anything about our pasts anytime soon. I also don't see how my age has anything to do with this, seeing as I am currently carrying two babies in my body at this very moment. What would age change about the situation?" I shot back, a little aggravated at his response, but not surprised.

"I agree partly with Three. You will use more resources while your condition exists, putting a strain on us financially as well as in supplies. You will also be a liability should any potential enemy we possess learn of your condition as well as the possibility of one of us is the father." Four interrupted, dark eyes boring into me without remorse or other recognizable emotion. "Unless you can protect yourself. However, even then, there are risks to both of you as well as the rest of the crew. I believe it best you are evaluated to determine if you can defend yourself. As for the children, I say that termination while unsatisfactory, may be the best course to keep you and the crew safe."

I swallowed hard. It was a bitter pill to take, hearing the last vote. "I hear all of you, but to be honest. . . I don't think I could. I have heard your opinions out of respect as your possible status as their fellow parent, but the final say is ultimately mine. I don't know what I want, but I have time to decide."

He simply nodded in reply, clearing away his empty tray.

The other men didn't offer any more comments.

I was suddenly no longer hungry, but I forced myself to eat at least half.

After our botched breakfast, the members of the crew split up to prepare for our arrival. One, Three, Four and Six departed the ship on the newly dubbed Marauder, touching down on the planet's surface.

I revealed to Two that I see memories in my dreams, someone else's memories. I'm pretty sure I scared her with the gritty details of one of them, the more violent one. I quickly changed the subject before much else could be said on the matter. The moment the others returned, they debriefed us on what they learned from the inhabitants of the planet. They were in serious danger from the Raza, rumors varied with details on who or what that meant, but help was supposed to be on the way. There was a meeting to decide what to do with the weapons we found, as well as whether or not to help the miners.

In the end, Two broke the tie by stating that we would set half the crates aside to sell and send the other half to the miners.

One, Three, Four and Six load the guns onto the Marauder. The Android calls Two to the bridge a few moments after the loading begins, she found some important data.

The identity of the ship and the crew. The Raza that the miners feared.

I'm the only one not on the list, the only one that doesn't belong on the ship. The others now knew their names, a piece of their histories even if it was a criminal record. They had somewhere to start, at least, a way to dig deeper for answers. I was still a giant question mark, now more than ever.

It scared me. The not knowing. The fact that I wasn't on the list of crew members meant that I came to be on this ship another way. Considering my condition, it pointed to possibilities that weren't appealing to dwell on. Kidnapping, rape, companion, escort, a combination of any of these possibly. I wanted to know who I was, how I got on board, and how I conceived more urgently now.

The Android tried to convince me that it may be better that I am not an official member of the crew, that one day I would be grateful. I didn't feel that way. She also asked if I was afraid of the others.

Truthfully, the answer was yes _and_ no. Their pasts seem bloody and shady, but the people I have seen and am becoming accustomed to, feel different. Warmer isn't really the right word, but maybe not as cold and calculating as the people on the wanted posters. Our disagreements regarding options for my pregnancy and recent developments with the miners aside, we're civil toward each other.

I may potentially be niave for hoping so, but I still hold out the hope that most of us could be friends someday. I say most, because Three is an ass and I can't see us becoming friends.

* * *

When Two ordered me to hide, I ran first, but an inkling I can't name told me to go to the vent I was passing by. I obeyed, crawling inside and closing it securely behind me, almost as if I'd done so thousands of times.

I moved forward until I felt the desire to stop.

I dropped down into quarters similar to mine, but I knew instinctively that it wasn't. It contained little by way of personal effects, but on the wall beside the door four swords were displayed. A few other items covered the table beneath and a wooden trunk lay on the floor under the right corner, almost hidden in shadow. I was drawn to the bedside table, an internal force I couldn't describe driving me to open it. Of the contents inside, a wooden box slightly bigger than my hands caught my eye. I picked it up and slid a square over, instantly intrigued but the puzzle it posed. I settled on the bed and studied it, slowly solving it square by square until there were none left to 'unlock'.

I placed the box in it's resting place and sat on the couch to wait for Two to give the all clear.

I jolted awake when the door opened, blinking bleary eyes only to freeze when I locked gazes with a startled Four.

I sat up quickly, embarrassed. "I'm sorry, I didn't mean to intrude. Two told me to hide when the Ferrous destroyer dropped out of FTL and I followed my instincts to find a safe place. I found your room and it felt that way to me, I was waiting for the signal to come out. I didn't even realize I fell asleep."

"Do you make a habit of breaking into and entering my quarters?" He asked, dark eyes intently studying my face.

"No. This is the first time I broke in." I assured him, pleading with my eyes for him to believe me.

"There are implications in your actions." He mused aloud, not quite talking to me, but allowing me a window into his thought process. I appreciated it. "That you feel comfortable and safe in my quarters could indicate that you have broken in before or that you have been admitted regularly enough that it had become habit. It's impossible to tell which until further observation and instances occur."

I sagged into the cushions, relieved that he didn't seem angry enough to punish me or demand I leave immediately.

"However, do not view my insight as open invitation to enter my quarters whenever it suits you. I do not take kindly to intruders." He warned, crossing to the wall that housed his weapons, never once turning his back to me. Keeping me in his line of sight as he walked.

I nodded, practically jogging out of his room.


	3. Sensory Memory

**Disclaimer: I don't own anything to do with Dark Matter or its characters, I just like to play with them.**

Chapter Three

The morning sickness the Android warned me could occur, did. On one hand, it gave me an excuse to avoid the mess and by extension, Four. I didn't think he would hurt me or anything, but I was horribly embarrassed that I was caught in his quarters sleeping on his couch. I took a plate of food to my room to nibble on when I got hungry. I managed to keep half a tray down, by the end of the morning.

It was boring, staying in my room. There wasn't really anything to do, nothing to see inside these four walls.

I wandered the hallways of the ship, stopping by the crew member's doors one by one, except Four's, to see see if they wanted to play cards or something. Everyone was busy or just plain didn't want to spend time with 'the kid'. I know that's how they view me, like their pesky little sister.

It irritated me, the way they treated me like I was a kid that could be sent to her room whenever they wanted. The hushed tones and 'it would be best if', they could shove it all up their own butts.

If no one wanted to hang out with me I could explore the ship by myself. That would show them! I didn't need their input on what I could and couldn't do, what they deemed was safe for the young innocent child.

I scoffed in disgust at the thought. I'm not a child.

I crawled around in the vents, almost passing a portion of the vent that lead down into a much cooler area. A strong niggling in my brain stopped me from moving on, had me dropping down into the very cold room to investigate. If I was going to explore, that meant everything I could gain access to, right? Why not start here? Maybe there were some hidden food stores I could stumble on or a snack horde.

I scooted a larger crate and, for lack of a better word, froze.

A cold, obviously dead boy was half sitting, hunched down a bit and leaning on the wall, stuffed between the crates. The position, the blood, his pale and cloudy eyes. They haunted me the most, along with his youthful appearance, he looked like he might be around my age. It's possible I knew him and I couldn't remember. It felt wrong that he died alone in a cold dark room, on a ship with medical supplies and equipment that likely could have helped him. Why didn't he seek medical help from the Android or one of them? Stowaway?

I pressed my comm, not taking my eyes off the body. "This is Five. I've found something."

"What have you found, Five?" Two asked instantly, her voice softer than I noticed her using on the others.

"A body." I whispered. It seemed silly to avoid talking loud because he wouldn't hear, but it also felt disrespectful to talk certain ways about the departed.

My words caught everyone's attention that had their comm in still. Soon Three, Four, Six and One came for the body.

The boy didn't have identification on him, wasn't in any of the recovered logs. A brief discussion was had on what to do with him and the lack of information we had on how he died, who committed the murder. The Android mentioned that it was impossible to determine the last point, however he bled to death from a bullet to the kidney. Two decided to search his body for valuables and space him before we reach the next space station, because it would be a cosmically bad idea to dock with a dead body on board.

That was that.

I didn't exactly approve, but there wasn't much I could say against it. I can't say I know him, although I feel as if I did, as if I should.

I say so when Six stays behind with me. It bugs me that I knew how to find him, as if I'd been there before, and the way I found him. Hidden, alone, most definitely scared. I choked up a little, shed a tear or two for the stranger who might not have been a stranger to me once, and let myself be vulnerable for a minute.

Hormones were seriously not a joke. They were real.

In this conversation with Six, I let slip that I believe I have at least some of my memories. Possibly the crews' as well.

Six . . . did not handle the revelation well. At all.

His confrontation with Two led to a crew meeting to out the fact that I had everyone's memories crammed into my head. Specifically, in my subconscious. She didn't believe me in the beginning, no one believed her at first, either. She had the Android check the story I gave her about the pods being sabotaged and I was right.

I truly did remember what the crew did not.

The way Three is staring at me scares me. I'm not a kid to him anymore, I'm the safe that holds his memories and he wants it opened. Using whatever means necessary. Apparently, that included digging through my head with a spoon, if it would work.

I will be absolutely not to be cornered alone with him.

Four was pinning me with his calculating gaze, the weight of his dark eyes made me squirm uncomfortably in my seat.

Then, the ship broke. Again.

Three accused me of messing with the diagnostics, didn't trust the Android when she stated that her inability to sense the radiation was because the sensors were down. To make matters worse, he and Four double crossed us and tried to take control of the ship. If they had succeeded, it would have meant letting the Android be ripped off the hull as we jumped into FTL. Six got injured in the rescue, but he survived the shock and burn to his arm. Two decreed that there would be no disciplinary action for either Three or Four, because it was only a difference of opinion and in their own way they were saving us.

I disagreed, to a point.

Three's lie detector session was finished and the Android concluded that everyone was telling the truth. No one but me had their memories and no one remembered sabotaging the ship. It was decided that we would do our best to move on since we couldn't do anything about the past or the sabotage.

Three called me a kid. Again. And a brat.

I stormed to the infirmary, blood boiling. I wasn't a kid! At least, I didn't think so. No one on board could pinpoint my exact age, so they can't use it against me either way. Well, correction, no one but the Android could tell my age. I am willing to ask her if there's a scan or test or something to medically guess my approximate age. Then I could rub the actual number in their faces and hopefully stop this 'kid' nonsense.

The Android was standing at the infirmary's display screen, lines of data streaming faster than I could comprehend.

"Android? I need to ask you something." I began, hesitant to interrupt her. . . I'm not sure what she's doing. Whatever it is, it's important to her.

She turned her entire body toward me, the screen immediately going blank as she gave me her undivided attention. I liked the Android, she treated me as a member of the crew, not a kid. She expressed concern for my feelings, but didn't talk down to me.

"Is it possible for you to use something in the infirmary to make a medical approximate of my age? Using my body and brain and stuff?" I inquired, curious and hopeful. If it was possible, why wouldn't she have suggested before? The discussion of my age has popped up on more than one occasion in the last twenty four hours, particularly by Three and Six. She told us what age the boy was, approximately, so she should be able to do the same for me logistically speaking. Maybe she didn't say anything because we didn't directly ask her, she seemed to be programmed to answer those kinds of prompts.

"Yes, I can. Pulling up your scans now." She closed her eyes, linking with the ship to pull up the information faster. She opened her eyes a moment later, the display screen showing what could only be my scans. All the data that was recorded on me and my bodily function that day. "I approximate your age to be between eighteen and nineteen years old."

I grinned triumphantly. I knew it!

"Thank you, Android!" I cried, hugging the Android and skipping out of the infirmary.

* * *

I was fiddling with a little bauble I'd found misfiring on one of the lower levels, playing a game I invented where I guess what was wrong with it while I fixed it, when my door beeped.

"One second!" I called, setting the tools and the little device aside, and hopping up to answer the door.

Four stood in the hallway just outside my door, his holster empty, his sword not on his belt, and his hands linked behind his back.

I swallowed, automatically stepping back to allow him entrance. He advanced, keeping in my sight as though he sensed it would put me at ease. He was right, of course, it did. As he stepped closer, into my room, a smell wafted to my nose. Spicy, sweet, just like the scent I couldn't place.

It was him.

"I wished to speak with you. I have since this morning, although I have a distinct feeling you have been actively avoiding me." He mused, not posing it as a question, he didn't need to. We both already knew the answer was that I had. "You truly do have my memories tucked away in your mind, unlocked accidentally in sleep. Perhaps your comfort in my quarters was a result of you subconsciously recognizing the surroundings as home, from my experiences there. Have you had any more such feelings anywhere else on the ship, at any time?"

"When I found the boy, it was like I knew there was something there to find. Otherwise, not really." I murmured, debating whether to tell him I'd been dreaming of the way he smelled. It sounded creepy when I put it like that, so maybe I shouldn't say anything. "I haven't spent time in anyone else's quarters since we woke, though. I still get impressions, fragments of my dreams I can sometimes remember when I wake."

He stayed silent, listening with interest.

"I don't mean to-this sounds creepy and bad, but I woke yesterday with this specific smell lodged into my memory. I recognized it a minute or so ago, from you, and I'm not quite sure how I know it." I winced, barely resisting the urge to smack myself on the forehead. Stupid!

The revelation seemed to catch him a little off guard. "I see."

Do you? Part of me wanted to shout, but I pressed my lips shut and didn't let them slip.

"It could mean different things, you know. I smelled it now, in passing, so I could have also in the past. Right? It doesn't have to mean we. . ." I trailed off awkwardly, effectively digging a hole and burying myself in it with every word out of my mouth. "It doesn't have to mean that you and I did anything that led to my current condition. Even if it meant that, surely we would feel some residual emotion or something from when we. . . I would think that we would." I flinched at the end bit. "Not that you're callous or I'm. . . I mean. . . I don't feel any ghost attraction or anything of that sort. Do YOU?"

"No."

"Exactly. That's my point. Honestly, it's the same for every member of the crew. The list of possibles, I mean."

"More substantial evidence will need to be provided to prove or disprove any of my theories, or your own. I would appreciate if you kept me informed of anything else you discover, whether or not anything becomes of it, in the future."

"I can do that."

"Good night."

"Good night."

Four left as gracefully as he entered, not a whisper of movement from his clothes or noise from his boots.

I watched him as he went, frowning. How did he do that?

"I will expect you in the training room tomorrow for evaluation at one precisely."

I jumped, quickly scrambling back into my room and securing the door, blushing madly. How in the universe did he know I was watching him leave?


	4. Sensei

**Disclaimer: I do not own Dark Matter. If I did, so much about season 2 would be different. Since I don't, I make stories like this.**

Sensei

We arrived at the space station.

I hadn't told anyone about my little discoveries after hours. I was afraid of what it meant that I knew where to find the lock box with the gun and the strange card. I distracted myself with excitement for exploring the station.

Three dampened it somewhat when he decided to make gross comments about what he would buy at the station.

Four was practical and tactical, suggesting that we use the money on upgrading the ships defenses instead of wasting it on trivial things. Those weren't his exact words, but the general meaning.

Two rained on everyone's parade when she informed us there wasn't enough bars left after refueling and repairs to buy anything we'd listed over breakfast.

There was a tense moment after breakfast, where we thought our fake registration was found out, but we were in the clear.

Six and I gathered everything we could that was worth selling. It fit into a box, so not much.

Four stayed on the ship. The rest of us split up, Three and One went to find a buyer for the guns and Six went to medical to get his burn checked out. Two and I walked through the market in search of a trader. I loved how eclectic and colorful the station was, it was full of energy and _life_.

A bald man at a game stand caught my attention and I peeled away from Two, going in for a closer look.

The more I watched, the stronger the feeling of recognition grew. I had seen or done something similar before. I knew where the ball was, no matter how fancy the man moved to disguise it's location. I attracted the attention of other passerby, drawing a crowd as the game progressed. They guy I helped win gave me money before he left and Two wanted to try out my newfound ability for gambling.

It didn't go well.

Men in suits grabbed first me and then Two. They dragged us out of the game room, up stairs and through darker hallways to a more secluded area. Two confronted the man seemingly in charge, it quickly escalated into a fight when the guy slapped me and she killed them.

All of them.

We met Six and Four on the bridge, Two kept trying to contact Three and One. Four argued that Three likely left and they sold the weapons. Then he surmised that they probably were killed in the gun deal.

The security alarm sounded soon after.

One and Three spun a suspicious story about why there was no money and why they didn't have their comm. I wasn't sure I believed them, since didn't seem to, either.

I avoided Two like the plague.

She managed to creep up on me once in the mess hall and tried to talk to me about what happened in the space station.

I didn't want to think about it, much less talk about it.

I stormed out of the mess hall and didn't look back.

I ate lunch in my room, just in case she tried talking to me again.

* * *

I arrived at the training room at one o'clock on the dot, as requested.

Four gave me a short speech, while he was warming up, that went a little something like this.

"I suggest you warm up before your evaluation, I won't have you injure yourself because you didn't prepare properly." He cautioned me, twirling his bo staff in strong circles, speaking the words between every strike. "I also will not lie to you regarding correcting your posture or movements during your training to save your feelings. If you expect otherwise, I advise you to rethink your expectations."

He then turned his complete focus toward his warm up and allowed me time to stretch.

It didn't take long for me to be sweating, Four's evaluation was based on offense and defense in equal parts. How I punched, blocked, kicked. How I responded to fists, feet, knees, weapons. He was extremely careful to avoid my stomach, I noticed with unlimited gratitude.

The rest of me was not so lucky.

The result he announced at the end of our first session was definitely less than flattering. Apparently, I couldn't even successfully disarm a nine year old. I suppose we were lucky that there weren't any nine year old pirates or rebels roaming the universe, looking to steal from us. To remedy my lack of skill, Four and I would meet daily at the same time and train in self defense as well as weapons handling until dinner. He would determine if I needed longer sessions after our first week straight.

I showered, the temperature of the water soothing my sore back muscles. I was so hungry, thirsty and bone tired.

I nibbled on some of the bars Three and Six found to hold me over until dinner, hydrating as much as possible between bites. I slid into bed gingerly, reveling in the softness and groaning in appreciation.

I'd only take a brief nap.

"-ive! Please-me in! Can you. . .Fi-ke up! Five!" A familiar male called, their voice thick with fear. Banging, loud and metallic accompanied the voice.

I blinked my heavy eyes open, the ceiling slowly coming into focus.

I sluggishly walked to the door, pressing the button to unlock it. The second the door opened far enough One flew into the room, almost knocking into me. His eyes were wide and worried, his face pale and concerned.

"Five! Are you okay? You didn't answer your comm, or your door. You don't look so good. Is something wrong? Do you need to go to the infirmary?"

The word vomit made my groggy head spin. I wanted it to stop.

"I'm fine. I took a nap after my evaluation with Four. My comm is on my table where I left it when I hopped on the shower. I'm still waking up and you're talking really fast." I moaned, rubbing my eyes and yawning. "I need a minute, if you're going to do that a lot."

He blushed, shifting from foot to foot. "I didn't mean-"

"It's okay, One." I reassured him reflexively. "What time is it?"

"Dinner is in twenty minutes."

"I'll be down for dinner."

". . .Are you sure you're okay?"

"Normal waking up grogginess and stuff."

"Do you need anything before I go?"

"No, I'm good, I promise." I promised as sincerely as I could while silently begging him to leave me in peace. He was nice, but his overwhelming concern was. . .well, overwhelming at the moment.

One left without fanfare.

I splashed water on my face, the cold helped. I changed into clothes more appropriate for dinner, brushed my teal hair, styling it into soft curls and had time to contemplate my life so far. From my mystery past, waking in stasis pods, finding out about the babies, discovering there _were_ two babies-everything in between and after.

Words echoed in my head, from Three and Four especially. I don't want to be a burden. I still don't know more about how I got on board, how I got pregnant and who the father is.

I rubbed a hand over the still smooth skin of my stomach.

Should I keep the babies? Would it be the best thing for everyone? For me?

I didn't know how to raise a baby, but to raise two on a ship like this?

Two killed those men today, with ease that horrified me and suggested that it wasn't her first time. It's different knowing she killed before, when she was colder and more calculating. Seeing her do it in front of my eyes when I thought she was turning over a new leaf was a new level of disturbing for me. I wanted to believe she was choosing to be better, but witnessing what I had today I wasn't so sure.

What if people from her past came for us? Or Four's? Or Three's? How would we keep up the growing amount of supplies we would need to feed me if I remain pregnant? How would we find the clothes and other stuff we would need? What all exactly _would_ we need?

The fact that I didn't know the answer, suggested that I wasn't cut out for this.

I don't think I can do this.

My eyes filled with tears, my throat closed up and started to ache. I didn't want to. . . .terminate. . .but I don't see how I could do this. Only One supports me in this, everyone else told me plainly they voted for abortion.

I would talk to the Android, ask if she knew the procedure. The thought of a stranger staring at my intimate insides and badgering me with personal questions, didn't appeal to me at all.

If Android could do it, I would rather it be her.

"Android?" I checked quietly into my comm.

"Yes, Five?" She queried, the humming in the background a sign that she was on the bridge.

"Could you meet me in my quarters? I want to run something by you and my battery for my comm is almost dead." I hated lying, but I would rather avoid suspicion for as long as possible while we discussed whether or not she could perform my abortion.

"Of course. I will arrive at your door in precisely twenty minutes and seventeen seconds." She replied in her deadpan tone. I thought I could hear subtle differences every now and then, but I haven't been able to prove it yet. "Will that be all?"

"Yes, thank you."

I had mixed feelings when the Android confirmed that she could, in fact, perform the procedure with the equipment and supplies we currently had on board. She proceeded to ask me if I wanted it done immediately. It was a relief that I wouldn't have to go to a stranger, but the fact that she could meant I would be a step closer to the end. I should tell Four, at least. I gave him my word I would involve him in any developments and this was certainly something he should know about.

 _Maybe he would be happy_. A small, hurt part of me thought snidely.

I couldn't say if it was true. I also couldn't say it wasn't.

I spent the walk to Fours' room pondering the many ways this conversation could go.

I pressed the button on the key pad that alerted Four I was outside, requesting admittance. The door slip open. He stared at me without emotion, not outside indications that he was curious or annoyed. He was dressed in a black, tight fitting long sleeved shirt and navy blue jeans. His brown eyes searched my face, assessing me, before stepping aside and giving me enough space to pass him.

I accepted his silent invitation, the door closing behind us only making me a little nervous.

I sat on the couch without prompting, because I honestly didn't think about it until I'd already done it.

He raised a brow, but didn't comment.

I swallowed hard, fidgeting as I ran through the phrasing and what I wanted to tell him. When I felt like I had enough of a plan, I shifted in my seat and raised my head to meet his eyes.

"I decided to terminate." I stated quickly, to get it over with.

A shadow fell over his face, but I couldn't really detect a change in his eyes or body language.

"I see." He simply replied. "Thank you for telling me."

I hesitated, watching his face.

Nothing.

I stood, my insides seeming to tilt radically at random and turned toward the door. Two steps from the couch, I spun on my heel and advanced the two steps toward him.

"Is that all you have to say?" I demanded, unsure where this underlying agitation was coming from, but I wanted his answer. "I told you I'm terminating what could very well be your kids and all you have is 'I see'?! Seriously?! You have nothing else to say on the matter? You're not going to talk to me about it? Ask questions? Nothing?"

He blinked, not one muscle moved throughout my mini tirade. "It is, as I have previously stated, unsatisfactory and what I believe would be best for all involved. It is also your decision to make. If there was anything I should know, I assume you will tell me. If I should have questions, I will find you. Is there something specific you wanted to hear?"

I scoffed, turning burning eyes away.

I wouldn't let him see the tears.

"I _have_ decided. The Android is going to do it. I haven't decided when." Which was half true, I did decide and the Android was doing it, but I was heading to the infirmary once I left here.

I wanted it done before we reached the next station.

I also wasn't sure I wanted Four to be there.

_**Four hours later** _

I sobbed, curling into myself as I lay in bed. Warm, large hands pet my hair in comfort.

I couldn't stop the tears, or the feeling that everyone would hate me when they discovered what I had done.

 _I_ hated myself.

What have I done?


	5. To Be?

**Disclaimer: I don't own Dark Matter, it's plot or it's characters.**

To Be?

I sobbed, curling into myself as I lay in bed. Warm, large hands pet my hair in comfort.

I couldn't stop the tears, or the feeling that everyone would hate me when they discovered what I had done.

 _I_ hated myself.

What have I done?

**Four hours earlier**

I told One what I was going to do before I went to the mess for dinner.

I bit my lip, waiting for One to say something.

"You can't seriously want this? You nailed Three to the wall the other day when he even suggested it. What could've possibly changed?" he asked earnestly, wanting an answer.

"I protested his callous wording and attitude. This is my decision. I will do this alone if I have to, but I want you to go with me." I hoped he wouldn't keep fighting me on it.

He opened and closed his mouth a few times, no sound came out, his eyes conflicted. His shoulders sagged and he nodded reluctantly, conceding.

"Thank you." I murmured, unsure what else I could say.

I stood outside the infirmary, my heart pounding in my ears and a whooshing feeling in my head.

One squeezed my hand, reassuring me he was there.

When I snagged him from his quarters before dinner and told him what I had planned, I thought he wouldn't support me. He put up a moral fight at first, but he caved when I said this was my decision. He wanted to support me, because he was trying to do what I wanted. Free will, my body so my choice and all, but it was hard for him.

I appreciated him doing this.

I didn't tell Four I was having the abortion right now. Or anyone else. I decided not to have him with me.

I felt bad for the deception, but I don't think he would be as openly supportive as I need him to be. He's too reserved, closed off. Distant.

"You can change your mind at any time and we'll leave." One promised, poorly disguised hope in his voice.

I fortified my resolve against his hope, pretending I didn't see it, even though it pulled at something in my chest.

I also pretended that I didn't see his shoulders slump when I didn't outwardly react.

I stepped forward, using our linked hands to tug him inside with me.

The Android was already in the infirmary, supplies and equipment sterilized and laid out on the appropriate surfaces.

I inhaled a shaky breath.

It looked terrifying. I felt terrified.

I squeezed One's hand, to make sure he was still there.

"I am ready, Five, if you would change into the attire provided and lay down on the berth." The Android suggested, oblivious to the not so subtle battle of conscious One was having even though he stood beside me physically.

He quickly turned his back when I changed into the thin gown provided and lay down on the medical cot she'd indicated. My heart hadn't slowed for one second since I'd seen the infirmary entrance. If anything, I'd say it steadily beat faster and harder the longer I stared at the medical surroundings.

 _It's nerves. Perfectly normal._ I told myself, taking a deep breath. _Breathe, this will be over soon._

I choked back a wave of instinctive tears at the thought.

"Are you ready to begin?" The Android asked, I didn't realize she'd come to stand on my left.

I nodded, swallowing.

The Android moved to the tray and picked up something I couldn't identify.

"Stop! I can't let you do this. If you go through with this, you're killing them! You would be killing two innocent children before they've even had a chance. You've seen them, how tiny they are." His voice broke at the word tiny, tears shining in his eyes. "This isn't right. They're living beings, too and you're their mother."

I stayed silent, tears in my eyes and choking back sobs. I can't raise them like this. I can't take from the rest of the crew, it's selfish.

"Five, please, don't do this." He begged me, his expressive brown eyes and face an open book. He was full of helpless hope and his eyes were pleading with me.

"I have to." I whispered, looking away.

"Five." That one word was like a punch through the chest. Disappointment and _hurt_ oozed from it.

"If you can't support me in this, I would like you to leave " I said softly, barely audible in the silence that followed his plea.

"You can't mean that." He whispered.

I said nothing.

"If Five does not wish for your presence, I must insist that you leave the infirmary immediately." The Android informed him when my silence stretched on. "I will use any means necessary to enforce her rights and wishes, should you resist."

"I'll go."

I couldn't look at him, but the defeat in his voice was hard enough.

One's words, however, didn't leave as easily as the man. They rattled around my head in an endless loop, both conversations I had with him today. Every plea and every response I had to them, the words I exchanged with the members of the crew since the Android broke the news. Every expression, every emotion, everything I've seen and heard and thought whirled chaotically through my head.

I couldn't breathe.

I couldn't think.

It was too much.

"Five, would you like to continue with the fetus evacuation?" Android's voice penetrated my brain, bringing me back from the brink of a panic attack. "Five, your heart, breathing and stress levels seem to have increased without One's presence. Are you alright?"

"None of this is alright! One probably hates me and I haven't told Four I was doing this when evidence suggests he may be the father. He's made his views clear, but he should be involved and I'm a coward!" I cried, deliberately ignoring her first question because I don't know what to say. If I keep them, I would be selfish and put strain on the crew. If I killed them, could I forgive myself? Could I forgive the ones who supported it? I know what the crew wanted me to do, I know what I want to do, but did I have the courage to stand up to the consequences and live with the outcome?

That was a loaded question.

"Five? I require an answer. Would you like to continue with the fetus evacuation?" The Android asked me again, not hint of emotion in her face or eyes.

I pictured their faces in my mind. _Forgive me._ I pleaded internally.

I gave the Android my answer.

* * *

One was waiting a few feet down the hall from the door to my quarters, sitting on the floor with his back against the wall like he'd slid down it, his head bowed. He perked up when he heard my footsteps, standing in one quick motion his face alight with hope and hints of fear in his eyes.

The dam broke as soon as I laid eyes on him, I ran and he met me halfway, embracing me fiercely.

"You okay? Is there anything. . . ?" He asked haltingly, treading delicately.

"I couldn't do it." I admitted, burrowing closer. "I didn't want to kill them. I never did-not really-I know it's selfish and it's going to make everything harder if I'm still you know, but I still _couldn't_."

I sniffled, my voice breaking.

"Hey," One said softly, gently swaying. "It's okay. I promise, we'll be okay. We'll take things as they come and we'll figure this out. Together."

I nodded, but the crying didn't stop.

"Here, why don't we lay down?" He suggested, leading me into my room and closing the door behind us. He drew back the top blanket and eased me onto the bed, leaning over to fluff and arrange the pillow. "There we go. Is that better?"

"Yeah. Thank you." I settled under the blanket, shifting until I was comfortable. The crying had stopped for now. I was just exhausted. "Stay? At least until I fall asleep?"

"You got it." He assured me, sitting on the floor beside the bed in my line of sight.

I don't remember falling asleep, but I do remember the dream. The dreams were mixed, jumbled, but I could tell memory from nonsense. I dreamed that I had gone through with it, Three had ordered the Android to strap me to the table so I couldn't move and she'd done it. She'd killed them. One wasn't there. There was no one to help me, to stop her or Three. When it was done, Three left, but the Android remained in the room. She'd untied me, but didn't otherwise move to help or hinder me. I saw no trace of my friend in her face.

I've never felt anything like it. The loss, the sadness, the anger.

A small part of my brain knew it wasn't real, but it looked real. It _felt_ real.

In the way that dreams merged and changed, suddenly the crew was there, in the room.

Two held no sympathy for me. Six was only slightly concerned, but overall thought it was best. Four said nothing, did nothing. I couldn't read him, but I didn't get the negative vibes I did with the others.

I woke abruptly, sitting up with a gasp. The crying had started again.

"Five? Hey, hey, it's okay. You're okay." One stroked my hair, soothing me as much as he could. It wasn't enough, but I couldn't tell him that.

I sobbed, curling in on myself.

I knew the dream wasn't real. Two and Six wouldn't do that, but the sight of them caused massive guilt. I knew what it would mean, keeping the babies, and I chose to keep them. I willingly chose to make life harder for everyone else on board, because I was soft and I loved them.

I couldn't shake the feeling that the crew would hate me for my decision.

A part of me hated myself.

_What have I done?_

I needed to talk to Four, to the crew, to explain.

_I hope they understand._

I fell into a deeper exhaustion induced sleep, One stroking my hair.


	6. Zombies? WTF?!

**Disclaimer: I don't own Dark Matter, it's plot or it's characters.**

Zombies? WTF?

I stared at the table, my appetite non existent. I'd managed a few bites, here and there, for the sake of my health.

Silence surrounded me on all sides, suffocating me slowly with invisible pressure. Guilt had a heavy part in it, too. I'd confessed what I'd almost done, but also the fact that I didn't follow through. No words were spoken afterward, the silence stretching on and on, nearly a physical thing at this point.

I sat across from Four and beside Two. Involuntarily, naturally. Not because of Four, okay maybe it had something to do with Four, but mostly Two.

I didn't want to see the look on Four's face, was afraid to know what he thought or felt, but I could see his silverware and his hands. He ate slower than he did when we woke, I'm not sure if anyone else noticed, but I did. He hadn't spoken since my admission. I couldn't say if he was happy, angry, disappointed or none of the above.

"This is ridiculous. We're the most wanted criminals in the galaxy and we can't even scrape enough money together to buy a decent meal?" Three whined, to my disbelief and irritation.

"We could, if you hadn't lost those weapons." Six pointed out.

Seriously? They were discussing this now, after what I'd told them?

"We were ambushed. It wasn't our fault." Three groused back.

Oh, my God. They were.

"So you keep saying."

I couldn't believe this.

"There's no point in arguing." Two cut in, turning her head to Six, then Three. "There's nothing we can do about it now."

"Sure there is." Three disagreed, around a bite while he held his loaded spoon halfway to his mouth for another bite. "We do what we do best, rob someone."

He smiled, chuckling at his clever response. Six didn't find him as amusing as he seemed to find himself. I wasn't amused with anyone currently sitting at the table.

" _That's_ the elephant in the room you want to talk about?" One asked, before I could speak up myself.

I agreed with One, I expected my revelation to be followed with at least one person voicing their opinions. Three, I understand, he isn't invested at all in my pregnancy and doesn't care much either way. Six, on the other hand, has voiced his opinions plainly from the start and now he _doesn't_ want to say anything? That, I don't get. It's against everything I feel like I've come to learn and know about him.

Three blinked at him, scowling at the interruption.

Six frowned, confused. "What other elephant is there?"

One scoffed, sharing an incredulous glance with me.

"So, we're not going to talk about the fact that I didn't abort despite certain individuals' votes that I do? Not going to go over plans of what exactly this could mean for you guys or our supply situation?" I asked, biting back sarcasm as much as I could, but a little managed to slip into my tone. "Not going to ask me why or shout about how I'm 'too young' or some other moral crap?"

"Do you want me to?" He deflected, missing the main veins of the subjects I brought up.

I clenched my hands under the table.

"I _want_ someone to voice their opinion on it one way or another, so I at least know where we are." I fumed, agitated in general. I didn't sleep well, mostly because of the dreams I've been having and nerves on how this meeting would go. They're not giving me anything and I hated it. "No one has said a single word since I told you I didn't go through with the procedure. You're all acting like I didn't say anything, which I don't get. You all were quick to express your thoughts and feelings when we were discussing me being pregnant. What happened? Why the sudden urge to zip your lips?"

"Fine." Three snapped, the first man to take the bait. "What you're doing is reckless, selfish, and important members of the crew-i.e _me-_ could suffer because of your choice. You should have gotten rid of the parasite before it consumes all of our current rations through you. On second thought, it's not too late, you're not pushing the damn thing out so you should reschedule."

I clenched my fists and bit the inside of my cheek until I tasted blood, to stop myself from outright crying. I expected nothing less from him.

"It's ultimately your decision, no one can force you to abort if you choose not to. I don't approve, but I can't stop you." Two's speech was short and sweet, Six nodded his agreement.

"I stand with Two." He added, unnecessarily.

"You already know I don't want you to abort, I think we can make this work. I'm not saying it won't be hard and it won't be scary because we can't remember a lot of important things. I can say, I will do whatever I can to help you and make sure you get whatever you guys need." One smiled at me, dark eyes kind and sincere. "We're in this together, no matter what."

I glanced at Four, who remained steadily forking or spooning bits of his meal throughout the conversation.

I know he felt my gaze, but he didn't meet my eyes or look up at all. He held his tongue and kept eating. I swallowed the lump of sadness and disappointment in my throat, it didn't leave easily. Tears stung in my eyes, but I wouldn't cry, not because of him. I wouldn't let him see me cry, though he wasn't technically looking at me I know he would be able to tell.

"Anyone in particular?" Two asked, steering the conversation topic to something with significantly less land mines, figuratively speaking. I was grateful.

"I say Ferrous Corp. Find their closest outpost, and we just nail it. Hard." Three made a stabbing, froward gesture with his fork that could double as a half hearted swing of a literal hammer. "They're already pissed off at us, right? How much worse could it be?"

Six didn't look wholly convinced. He turned to One. "What do you think?"

"I think it's a terrible-" He began, not hesitant in the least. He was glancing sideways at Three, however, as he said it.

Three interrupted with a horrible, albeit brief, cough.

"Sorry, wrong pipe." He made these hissing sounds when he inhaled and turned to One with an expectant expression. "You were sayin'?"

Strangely, One hesitated only a moment, the air crackling slightly with tension between the two. Finally, he sighed as he stared down at his plate and scraped his utensils along his plate, then continued to speak. However, he had suddenly changed his statement. Even his tone was different. "Sure, it's what we do, right?"

He didn't seem dedicated to his words or the cause they represented.

I suspect Three has something to do with this. The cough was forced, too perfectly timed to be a coincidence and if it had been accidental, One wouldn't feel the need to suddenly change directions and jump on board with Three's plan. Something fishy was going on.

A thought struck me, I hadn't yet brought up one of the topics I wanted to discuss today.

"What about the vault?" I asked, internally kicking myself for not leading with this topic instead. I should have talked to Four in private, he is the most private and reserved of the crew. I could have approached this conversation differently, talked to the rest of the crew in smaller groups and one on one. I didn't think this through.

The sentence caught Two's attention, but she wasn't the only one.

"What vault?" Three, still stuffing his face.

"I think that's what it is." I amended, not having to pretend to be unsure. There were only images and impressions in my dreams, I never actually saw what was inside of it. "It's down in the lower levels, at the end of a maintenance shaft. I found it when I was exploring the vents."

This was also the truth. It confirmed the door I saw was real.

Breakfast was wrapped up quickly afterward, I led them to the lower levels, to the maintenance shaft I mentioned so they could see it for themselves.

"This is the door from your dreams, isn't it?" Two believed in my dreams, saw the drawings I'd made when I woke up. She must recognize the markings, I'd tried to copy them exactly.

"Yeah." I did better than I expected, the likeness was almost uncanny.

"Well if I were a pirate and a smuggler, and apparently I am, this is the kind of place I might just pick to hide my loot." Six had walked a little behind us through the shaft, but now we were in the chamber leading to the door, he came up beside us and then slightly in front of us. Four, Three and One lagging a bit behind.

Two spun to face them. "Has anyone else been down here before?"

"No, definitely not me." Three supplied, too quickly for my liking. The glance he shot Four after, one he returned, didn't sit right with me either.

Two didn't press them, but she did try pushing a key on the keypad to attempt to access the door. Nothing happened, except a negative sound emitted temporarily from the screen above the keypad. Her hand dropped back to her side. "Alpha-numeric lock code."

"Which none of us can remember." One supplied helpfully, visually examining the door.

Three took this opportunity to turn his attention to me. "You ever dream about the code, kid?"

"No." _I certainly wouldn't tell you if I did_ , I thought spitefully.

"But it's rattling around in your head, isn't it?" He stood with his hands on his hips, his attention focused completely on me.

"The only thing 'rattling around in my head' is your obnoxious voice." I snipped, already tired of his questions. His voice was grating on my nerves.

"Two, come in please." Android's smoother, sweeter voice cut off whatever rebuttal he'd thought up. I could kiss her in this moment.

"Go ahead." Two prompted.

"I think you should all come to the bridge immediately." She replied. "We're receiving a transmission."

"From who?" Two asked, confused but alert.

"From someone who says he knows you." The Android responded.

Two looked back at all of us meaningfully, then started walking away from the vault. We all followed.

We gathered on the bridge as suggested. Two faced Android, the pair the nearest to the view screen at five feet away. Four stood behind Two and to her left a good three feet of distance between them, his arms on his hips. I was behind him and to his right. Six stood behind me and slightly right. One and Three stood behind Two and the Android, at a distance of at least four feet. One had his arms crossed over his stomach, Three had his hands stuck in his pockets.

"The signal is weak this far from the nearest g comm link. There may be some interference." The Android informed us, flat and no nonsense as usual.

"Okay." Two murmured, adjusting her body to face the view screen.

"I should warn you: he seems to be a man of little patience, and tact." The Android added, regaining Two's attention for a moment, before allowing the transmission through.

Immediately an average built dark haired main wearing strange, but possibly expensive silk clothes appeared on the viewing screen. The back ground was also interesting, adding to my impression that he made good money, whoever he was.

The verbal exchange, if you could call it that, since it was more condescending and just irritating to witness was telling in some ways. Apparently he was the handler for the crew and he had set up the job with the miners for Ferrous Corp. He wanted the crew to do another job, with little information at all and without asking any more questions. I didn't like the idea, or the sound of the job period. I was definitely less than impressed by the fact that he lied to his girlfriend or wife about whether he had her inhaler and then, in front of the screen, he took a large inhale of the device.

I didn't trust him as far as I could throw him.

Three, surprisingly, wasn't keen on the idea either. He vocally expressed his dislike and distrust of both the supposed handler and the job.

Four was detached to the possible illegal side of the job, he counseled that we needed our 'handler for the express reason that without our memories we have no other connections and would be completely on our own. His words ended the debate.

We all went our separate ways, shortly afterward Two announced over the ships systems that we'd be arriving at our destination in nine hours and suggested that we all sleep.

I stopped by Fours quarters on the way to mine, but his door was closed and locked. I had hoped to talk with him, clear the air a little before I slept so I knew at least where he stood. There were words spoken, today and the last time we saw each other before. . . . just before. I didn't shut One down in the mess hall and there were other ways to handle the conversation we did have, but I let anger cloud my judgement. I regretted that.

I sighed, leaving with my tangled thoughts and feelings for my own bed. Rest would not come easy tonight.

* * *

I fell asleep, but my rest was fitful and my dreams were fueled by my uneasiness. I had a bad feeling about 'our handler' and this job.

I watched the others launch the Marauder shortly after we dropped out of FTL, gripping my hands together tightly to keep them from shaking. Two and One had been the most vocal in their assurances that the ship was abandoned, the only danger left was accidentally blowing themselves into space, but there were signs of such areas and measures would be taken to prevent that from happening. It didn't ease my mind as thoroughly as they'd intended, however.

To distract myself, I attempted to start a project I'd been meaning to begin for a few days. I couldn't focus as well as the work required, so I gave up after fifteen minutes.

It did bring to mind, however, something else I'd meant to do and haven't done yet.

A brief search in my room and I walked to the bridge, for a status update and to talk to the Android.

She was facing the viewing screen when I approached her, her stance rigid.

"How's it going?" I asked, curious and also as an opening into conversation.

She half turned her body toward me the moment I spoke, her attention shifting to me. "They've gained access to the ship." She paused for a fraction of a second, then stiffly swung her left arm in a cheerful little swoop. "So far, so good."

I allowed myself a suppressed chuckle, then cleared my expression. "Okay. Well in the meantime, do you think I can drag you away for a sec?"

"I highly doubt that." She replied instantly, her eyes and head lowering to scan my body. "Despite your low center of gravity, you possess neither the strength nor the stamina to pull my body weight over any significant distance."

I had to stifle my reaction to her blunt statement.

"No, I mean could you help me with something?" I corrected myself, sure to use a phrase that won't accidentally go over her head.

"Of course. I, on the other hand, possess the strength and stamina to convey you with great ease. No dragging required." She instantly held her arms out and stepped forward, intent on actually picking me up and carrying me.

I quickly stepped back. I wasn't clear enough with my self-correction, obviously.

"Whoa. No I just need your help with something in the infirmary." I informed her when she'd stopped moving. "No heavy lifting."

"Okay." She conceded easily.

I slanted my head in an invitation for her to follow me.

The Android scanned the strange card I'd found with a device I wasn't overly familiar with.

"Where did you find this?"

I told her the truth, until she asked me if I found anything else. I lied, I told her I didn't. I'm not sure why I lied about the gun and the metal box I found them in. I confessed that I thought the card was data storage, but I'd tried everything I knew and I couldn't read it.

The bomb shell the Android dropped, however, I was not expecting in the least.

The card wasn't data storage, far from it. She explained that it was similar to a submatrix card, but on a much smaller scale. It meant it was part of a much larger system designed to access pockets of extra-dimensional space.

I'm not entirely sure what exactly that meant or what I want to do with it. I asked her to keep the cards existence and the results of the scan between us.

It isn't that I don't trust the others, but a voice deep inside whispered that it isn't safe to tell. I trust that voice, though I can't honestly say why it isn't safe.

A flash of Two killing the men on the station invaded my mind. Okay, so maybe I don't trust certain members of the crew like I used to. I definitely trust One and Six.

It turns out that I was right to not trust the mission. There are details our 'handler' neglected to mention to us. The first one is that the _Far Horizon_ is a plague ship. The second being that the people on board were infected with a virus that made them attack, eat and infect other people on board. The cargo was the illegal drug that caused the whole mess.

Two was attacked while establishing the link. After a debate that sounded closer to an argument, she was brought back on board the _Raza_ , but placed in the isolation chamber. Once there, a necessary scan was conducted to reveal if she'd been infected with the virus.

I was upset when Four announced that if Two began to change, he would handle it.

The scan came back positive.

"You shouldn't be here." Four said, without taking his eyes off of Two.

"I'm not leaving her." Especially not if he was going to. . . I didn't want to think about that. I stood my ground, beside him facing Two. I didn't agree with her killing those men on the station, she scared me when she did that, but I didn't want her to die.

"It isn't safe for you, in your condition." He pressed, his dark eyes sliding to me. Only for a moment, they quickly returned to our official/unofficial captain.

"She's in the isolation chamber, she can't pass through the barrier. I'm perfectly safe as long as I don't encounter her blood or saliva." I countered, I'd been filled in on everything while we'd been waiting on the results of the scan. I smirked smugly at him, pleased with my memory and ability to spout the facts I needed to prove my point.

His lips formed a hard line, but he maintained his silence.

The Android was able to dig up information relating to how the virus was created, why and by who. Traugott was behind it. The mission, too. There was no cure to the virus.

Four broke his position in front of me, instead standing in front of the isolation barrier. "Are you sure you want to wait until it begins? I can give you an honorable death before it comes to that."

I inhaled sharply. Not this again.

"Are you serious?" I demanded, upset and tired of hearing him offer to kill one of my friends. I don't understand how killing her before the virus does is honorable, how it would help anyone. She was harmless, trapped behind an unbreakable barrier until we decided to lower it. I don't understand how none of this effected him, he was as cold as he always was.

"I'd rather have a dishonorable life." Two sassed back at him.

"And you did, by all accounts." He replied seamlessly.

"I don't feel any different. I don't feel anything. I think there's been a mistake." She shot back, then glanced at me.

"The scan confirmed the presence of the virus. There is no mistake. Look, if it was me, I would want to go while I still had my wits about me, and in control." Four stated calmly.

"Would you do it if I was sick?" I asked harshly, stalking toward him until I was standing beside him, needing to hear his answer. "Would you be so eager to kill me, too?"

"If you were infected, I would give you a merciful end." He answered without hesitation.

I exhaled a shocked breath.

I had my answer. I didn't know what to do with it.

Tears stung my eyes. 

"I would take no joy in your death." He told me softly, so softly I almost didn't hear him. He broke his attention from the barrier, turning to face me. His dark eyes were honest. "I would seek to end your suffering, before it could truly begin. The pieces of the events on the _Far Horizon_ tell me it would not be a peaceful death, should I stay my hand."

If that is supposed to make me feel better. . . I can't say it did, but I wasn't quite as hurt and angry as I was before he took a minute to say his peace.

I talked to Two, aired out our feelings about the space station incident. We spoke about a few other things as well. She asked me not to give up on the others. I gave her my word.

Two, miraculously, didn't need Four to give her his 'merciful end' he had spoken nearly endlessly about. She was scanned a second time, after our two wayward crew members were on board and she showed no symptoms when over five hours had passed. She was clean, the virus was gone.

One immediately voted for her to be released. Four was reluctant, wary.

It was something no one could explain, which made everyone uneasy.

I lay awake for hours that night, questions rattling around in my head I had no answers to. No way to get them, either, that I could see.

Tomorrow was a new day. Hopefully, it was a better one.


End file.
